Tammy's In Love

InstaFriday

I'm linking up with Jeannett for InstaFriday. 

                                                  

   

1. Needing to fold clothes but the baby is way too cute! 2. Emme loves it outside. She can be fussy and the minute you walk outside she calms down. 3. Karigan couldn't get the pretzel to stick to her eye so she tied it to a piece of string. This is her best "arrr" pose. 4. A new stack of books from the library. Is there anything better? Love their excitement. 5. Karigan and her "mini me" 6. Lillie kissing Emme. She's so sweet to Emmaline and gentle. Most of the time. ;) 7. Checking out belly buttons. They are so ticklish. 8.Needing to pray throughout my day more. Needing constant reminders. And wanting to pick up my big camera more. I hardly ever use it anymore. 9. Lillie playing by herself. A rare treat. 10. Karigan and all her loveliness. Gosh, I love her. 11. Emme and me. Feeling so blessed. 12. Love that my eleven year old boys aren't too young to play with their sisters. 

If you follow me on instagram then you have probably already have seen most of these pictures. These are just some of my favorites from this past week. We've done a lot of staying home and always attemping to get stuff checked off the never ending to-do list. Looking at bits from the week really does make me feel that much more grateful that I can stay home and enjoy every minute of the time that I have with them. 

You can follow me at tammyakay on instagram. I would love to follow you too. 

Amongst the Chaos

She turned six weeks old yesterday. She's fighting a cold. I'm a little worried. I know I shouldn't be. He is in control. But that's what I do, you see? I worry. Its kinda like a bag of sand on my back this thing called worry. It's heavy and hard to carry. Sometimes laying it down at His feet is the hardest. But when its there it is so comforting. Like I've ran a mile and can finally breathe again. Like a hot drink when my throat is sore. Like a warm fire when I'm cold. It's comforting but takes an effort on my part to get there. Why is it so hard? To trust. To really just give it all to Him daily? To be in a constant state of gratitude. I want to. I think about it all the time. But I'm not. I'm not grateful as much as I should be. I complain but worst, I worry. I treat life like its my thing. Like its up to me to change things and it is to an extent but He, He gives me the desire. He gives me the go ahead. That is being what grateful is. Realizing that He puts that desire and want in me and it is nothing that I do but accept and be thankful. 

I have five children. Five. 

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that God has given me five children. Especially since I feel like I'm a jumbled mess most of the time. A very sweet lady at my church commented last week how I must be such an organized person to get my children all dressed so nicely to church. I crumbled inside just a little. Oh, do I appear to have it all together? My appearance has told a lie. Little does she know that I usually wake up for church late. Rush around getting everything ready and ironed all along listening to my husbands voice inside my head from the night before saying "you should go ahead and iron the girls clothes" and do I listen? No. Andrew calls me a free spirit. I never have a plan written out. I simply just go with it. I have many plans but they never really reside on paper, just in my head. I try to get them on paper but I never can find a pen I like or a notebook that doesn't have scribbles of crayon all over it. Yes, I realize I have issues. Because in all honesty I do have several notebooks that would do the job quite well but if I mess them up and don't write in them for the reasons that I originally bought them that makes me....well, now I just sound a tad OCD so I will quit while I'm ahead. Back to the comment. When my children are all dressed and the "bigs' have gone on to Sunday School without me, because you see I can't find the time since Emme to actually get to Sunday School on time so I just don't go, I think I will have plenty time to myself. But reality set in and I have a baby crying and a toddler who wants to watch another episode of Dora and I, by this time am just ready to leave. So my plans of showering before church and looking all pretty and cute have come to please just let my hair look nice. That is all. Just let me fix my hair. Throw on a bit of makeup and hope that people can't tell that I haven't washed my hair in days. I don't have time to shower. I look at the clock and it appears that I'm late again. Where are my shoes? Keys? Has the dog been feed? Dang, I still have to pack the diaper bag. This is all before church and by the time I get there I'm exhausted and usually dealing with an almost two year old who doesn't want to stay in the nursery and clinging to me for dear life. So you see precious lady, I am not an organized person. I'm clearly an organized mess. I run on fumes. I'm not quite sure how everything comes together but it usually does. It must be Grace. Because without His grace I am desolate. 

So there you have it. Me in a nutshell this morning. The boys are awake and probably playing with there pokemon cards, Karigan is asleep on the couch because she felt nauseous last night, Lillie is still asleep in her crib, Emme is in her bassinet sleeping peacefully, and here I am. Preparing. Taking in the quiet before the storm of the day. Before I absolutely have to get up and face the day. I make it sound terrible while really its just the normal. Its busy. Its chaotic....but its our normal. The list of endless tasks that I never write down but somehow its all crammed up there in my small brain. Laundry to do, bottles to wash, dog to be brushed, school to be had. Its my day to day....But I am thankful. I'm thankful for gift of these five souls who have been entrusted in my care. But I'm even more thankful that in spite of my shortcomings He is still in control. Even if I can't write things down because I don't know where to start and if I do I will mess the pages up. I'm thankful. He gets me. He will change me. And somehow He has it all worked out. 

Sickness and Project Life

(This photo has nothing to do with this post but oh, how I love my paperwhites! They are so gorgeous!)

 

I'm sick. 

I have a nasty runny nose, I'm sneezing constantly and when I'm not sneezing I'm doing that really weird looking up thing like I'm trying to sneeze, my eyes are red and puffy, and don't forget about the sore throat. Not to mention the huge belly that I'm sporting lately. Andrew told me the other day that this might be our first ten pound baby. Thanks Honey! I've only gained ten stinkin' pounds thank you very much! 

I spent today wishing that I had the energy to tackle my never ending, must do asap, to do list. We have less than 9 weeks folks. 9 weeks. Is this really happening?! 

In other news around here.

 I just jumped on the Project Life train. For my birthday I received a few of the basics. A box of journaling cards and page protectors. I spent WAY too much time on my title page and I'm still not happy with it but it doesn't matter. I'm sure I will like it months from now. Pregnancy makes me a little un decisive. Today I printed pictures and I'm slowly trying to get week one finished. Printing the pictures is usually my biggest chore when it comes to anything scrapbook related. Something always happens. I run out of photo paper or I'm low to no ink. Today I happily printed all that I needed without any mishaps. Well, almost. I did spill water on three and had to reprint. Pregnancy makes me clumsy too. Just so you know I'm going to start blaming everything on pregnancy from here on out. It makes me feel less like a mess right now and more like I will overcome all that needs to be fixed. :) One thing that I learned this week while printing my pictures is that I take a lot of pictures. Mostly of food and Lillie. A good amount of Karigan and the sisterly bond that they have going on. But hardly any of the boys. This makes me sad but I'm really glad that I recognized it early. So this week I'm going to intentional take more pictures of the boys. Another thing is I need to be more selective as to what I'm actually going to put in the album each week. I had so many pictures and wanted to use all of them. Well, almost all. And I didn't keep anything like receipts or drawings that they kids made me this week. I only took pictures. Which is still okay. I started Project Life in hopes that it will help me get back into scrapbooking and help me find the long lost love that I once had for it. 

I also celebrated my 32nd birthday on Saturday. Andrew bought me muffins and fried potatoes from Perkins. They have the best Apple Cinnamon muffins in the world. I enjoyed every bite of them with a little Downton Abbey. Have you seen Downton Abbey yet? If not, you are missing out on something really, really good! Best miniseries in a long, long time! Then for lunch a very dear friend brought my entire family lunch from Chick-fil-A. It was yummy! She knew exactly that the best gift is giving me a break. Andrew and the kids were going to make me a cake but after I saw that Lemon Ice box pie there was really no need. Lemon Ice box is always a favorite when I'm pregnant!!! I wish I had one piece left right now.

I'm going off to snooze for a bit. I didn't sleep very well last night. I'm praying that this cold passes as quickly as it began.

Hopefully in the next few days I will share my project life with you all. I truly am enjoying it more than I thought I would and that makes me very happy. 

 

New Art and Ramblings

Remember these girls?

Well, I created another. 

I'm always so reluctant to show my artwork. I go back and forth about it way too much. To me its a pretty vulnerable thing to do. Especially painting but at the same time its very freeing. 

I created this Proverbs Girl for a dear friend of mine who just moved away. I wanted to give her something that was from my heart. 

I will miss you Melissa. I'm so thankful for texting right now. :)

In other news...

Last night was a long night. Lillie woke me up three times. My best friend was and at the moment still in labor so I was checking my phone and facebook every time I turned over. It wasn't a great nights sleep. 

But its a new day and His mercies are new everyday.

I'm on operation get the house ready for baby number 5 mode right now. What a chore that is. Half my closet is sitting in my living room floor and its making me feel like a very messy person. Must tackle that today. I'm not really a nester but our home needs some major organization. 

Here's hoping I can muster up enough energy to get a lot accomplished today. 

 

A New Year

Andrew woke me up this morning and made me breakfast. One egg, toast with blackberry jam, banana and pineapple smoothie, and my favorite hot coffee. It was good and healthy. Fulfilling. He read Psalms 10 and I sat quietly eating while trying to digest the scripture. I felt convicted and it felt good honestly. Not the weeping conviction of a terrible sin that I’ve committed, although I’ve committed many, but good because I’ve felt so blah toward God’s word lately. I’ve learned over the years not to depend on my feelings when it comes to my faith but the truth of God’s word. Something that is really hard for me because I’m a whole bag of feelings. Tenderhearted to the core.

 

I’m expecting our Emmaline Katherine during the first week of March. I’m nervous, excited and anxious to meet her. I’m excited to see what she will look like. Our Lillie has blue eyes and curly blond hair. Think Shirley Temple. Nothing is impossible with God. It almost makes me want to have about twenty kids to see how different each one could look. :)

 

Andrew and I stare amazed at the beauty of our children all the time. I know all parents think their children are the most beautiful and I truly think that to them, they are. There are times I truly think my heart will burst from how much love I have for them. Of course those times usually come when they are all peacefully sleeping in their beds. 

 

I’ve been thinking of how much things are going to change around here soon. Before I found out I was pregnant with #5 I began feeling like I could handle all that God had given me. I was excited about homeschooling again. That’s a miracle in itself. I was painting and really, really enjoying it. Then morning sickness set in and my house and my love of painting went on the back burner.

 

Now here I am almost 30 weeks into this pregnancy and a New Year awaits me.  I do love a fresh start. When Andrew went to work this morning I looked around at my almost clean, naked (just took down Christmas decorations) living room, and it felt good. Of course the sun hasn’t come up yet. Its still 6:19.

 

I’m not good at goals.  I’m even worse at keeping them.  But I can pray. My prayer this year is to have more JOY. Joy in the everyday. Joy is the mundane. Joy in the trails. Joy in the days when I really just feel like staying in my pajamas and not getting out of bed. To stop being so cynical.

 

I want to be glad.

 

I want to be happy.

 

I want to be Joyful.

 

(Because every post needs a picture. This is my dad and my Lillie. Do you think they look alike? This picture makes me happy just to look at.)

 

 

 

 

Lately...

Can I be real with you for a minute?

For the past three months I've pretty much felt like crap! Just to be honest.

I've had nothing. I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't care about doing anything. I felt sick. I felt sluggish. I felt like I was crazy for having another baby.

But... Fall is here. Lovely, lovely Fall. I f.i.n.a.l.l.y. made it to the second trimester, thank you Lord!

And last night I felt flutters. Flutters. That made me happy and made me smile.

So. I feel a change coming on. A wonderful back to myself change.

This pregnancy has been hard so far. I'm hoping the last trimesters will go easy on me. 

I'm hoping that I will start feeling like my old self again soon. When I start decorating I'll know I'm there. I'm not there yet. ;)

My big ultrasound is on Oct. 18. Yay! I'm so ready to find out whether this baby is a he or she.

I kinda want a girl because... I know how to do girls! 

I kinda want a boy because... well, its been 10 years since I've had a wittle boy!

Basically, I'm happy either way. 

And today. Its chilly and beautiful out. 

Have a wonderful Monday.

 

 

 

Lately...

I'm still here. 

Still pregnant. 16 weeks on Friday. Its going fast and slow all at the same time.

I've been overwelmed. Homeschool. Housework. And trying to regain control of the mess that took place during my first trimester. My house has paid the price.

Chasing after Lillie. Or Goldie Locks as we sometimes call her. Ringlets of golden hair. A wild child at heart.

I've cried so many times these last few weeks wondering and praying how I'm going to do it all when this baby comes.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle it.

But at the same time there is a calm. I know it comes from Him. 

He placed this child inside my womb. He is teaching me that I can't do it all.

I have to give Grace and learn daily to accept His. 

 

Instagrams

I awoke this morning with my legs covered in some sort of rash. So I get to go the lovely doctor today. I'm dreading it. Did I ever tell you that I'm a hermit? Well, I am. I think that's probably why I love social networking so much. Last Saturday morning I woke up with hives and during the weekend was in the ER twice and then the Doctors office Monday morning. I was on prednisone but evidently it is out of my system and the hives/rash is back. Not a good way to start the day. Itch. Itch. Itch.

I haven't shared any of my instagrams in a few weeks so I thought I would today. Pictures are of the everyday. Vacationing with my parents. Visiting my grandmother. My trip to the ER. Lots of stuff.

 

I love Instagram. Love having these images not just sitting in my phone. Love that I can capture moments and not regret leaving my big camera at home. Makes me happy.

Have a wonderful Tuesday! 

 

She's a Keeper

This child.

Is so beautiful.

So difficult.

I really thought that I had this mothering thing down before this one arrived. I mean I have three others.

I didn't think I was prideful. We would always get comments such as...

"Your kids are so well behaved."

"Your kids are so good.

"You are so lucky to have good kids." - Luck has nothing to do with it, thank you very much.

Then entered Lillie and I realize now that I was prideful. God has humbled me with this one.

She is stubborn. Loud. Crazy fast. Smart as a whip! A total manipulator. She can take care of herself and will hit you in the face if you get in the way- we are nipping this in the bud. 

She is also sweet. Loves our dog like never before. Her latest is "Ginger, outside" and "what's that?"

Has a headful of curls. Her eyes look like blueberries. She loves her baby dolls. Carries a purse around just like her mama. 

There really is only one Lillie.

But... I wouldn't have it any other way.

She's a keeper this one. :)

Love, Joy, Peace

Good Friday Morning. I woke up this morning and thought it was Thursday. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't planned company for Friday. So I'm about to get busy cleaning the house. I went out of town last week to visit my parents and just have not gotten back into the swing of things! This might have something to do with it though.

                                        

I'm a little shocked but happy. Worried, but happy. Very Thankful!

I've also been creating! 

This is my first 9x11 canvas. I've been working really hard trying to get my faces the way I want them. Drawing late at night. Finally, I just went for it. It's supposed to resemble Karigan and myself. 

Well, I have a ton of stuff to do and four kids to take care of. 

I hope your Friday is filled with love, joy, and peace from our precious Redeemer!