It felt good to wake up this morning. I went into the kitchen and prepared an omelet for my husband. Greek yogurt with strawberries. I made the coffee. Let the dog out. Took my husband breakfast and woke him up. Laid beside him. He ate quietly and I didn't say a word. After he finished he sat on the floor beside my bed and we talked. Not long. He had to be at school early. But it felt good to talk. It felt good to connect.
The day after feels somewhat normal. I'm sure today will require a lot of resting. My emotions are still all over the place so I think it is best to stay home. I'm tired. Emotionally tired. A part of me just wants to sleep for about two days straight. But I know that is not possible. I'm a little numb. In ways that I can't really describe yet.
I'm praying but in more of an acceptance and acknowledging mode, if that makes sense. I'm still really sad. A friend told me yesterday that when she starts to talk to God, she knows that she is healing. I'm not really there yet. I know He is close and He is patient.
I keep thinking of what I wrote yesterday, Five souls in the family room, and five in Heaven. I'm so thankful for those five souls that live. Am I thankful for the five that didn't? I am. I have seen the blessing in each passing.
But I'm still sad.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps 34:18